well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
