im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Success! We fucked roommates!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize