Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
