I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
