Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
