im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
