dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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