i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
