your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
