It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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