Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
