It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
