i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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