Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she woke up with a sticky ear
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
