You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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