guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
