Only a mothe r could love this liver
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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