Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
