with your own penis?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
