I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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