I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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