I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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