I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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