He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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