I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just pee around me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
