i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
