Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
