There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
