remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
