Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
