it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
