If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
