Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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