It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
