did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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