By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
