Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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