Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
