Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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