I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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