my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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