CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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