My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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