During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
