She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
