then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
