i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
