Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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