You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
