so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
