Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
