I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
