His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
