god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
