I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize