So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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