Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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