if you like me you must not know who I am
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize