Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
