It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
