I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
