You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
