i permit you to call me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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