is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
