I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
