I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
