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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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