This girl is more easily done than said...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
