You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
