Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
