I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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