please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
