nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
