lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You smell like stripper and shame
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
