we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
