my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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