Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
