I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
