just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
